Just wanted to celebrate with my friend, Erin, who just welcomed her beautiful son Malacai into the world this weekend. We celebrate him incredibly, as we also continue to celebrate the short but powerful life of his older sister, Gwendolyn.
|Erin, Blair, and baby Malacai|
Death is hard enough to stomach, but losing an infant has got to be the most indescribable grief one could experience. I know nothing about it personally, but I know firsthand that losing a parent caused many a 'pull-the-car-over-and-cry-until-snot-comes-out' episodes; these episodes often triggered by the number of songs, places, or memories we create with those we love.
But to lose the life-that-hasn't-been-lived-yet is altogether a different story in my opinion. I've always said grief is like a roller coaster that you never really exit...just endure until your body kind of regains a weird equilibrium in order to deal with wanting to die because of the gaping hole in your heart.
I have had several friends who have lost children...some early in the pregnancy, some right before birth, some during delivery. No matter when or how it happened, it always strikes a chord in my heart of questioning God. "How could you let this happen?" is usually my first thought.
We don't have answers for any tragedy (in fact, the more answers I seek, the more the questions pop up). That's just it. Like blessings, tragedy has no formula; no secret code to learn to ensure you can avoid it. It's what we do with tragedy that determines how we live. And I am adamant that no one can dictate that for you. No one. No one has the right to tell you when, how, or how long to grieve. I don't care how many 'steps' there are in the grief cycle...it's YOUR grief cycle. You decide.
I just wanted to share in my dear friends' joy this weekend...and also to honor Gwendolyn's life. The heart of a person can never be snuffed out, even when their body leaves the earth.
Erin is a writer and uses her words as an outlet to grieve and heal. While doing so, she began to see how her grief & hope in Christ could help other moms who had lost children. She started Hope Mommies as a way to 'bring the Hope of Christ to bereaved mothers and families experiencing infant loss.' What a beautiful testimony of God taking her tragedy and creating beauty from ashes.
I love you, Erin. And to my other friends who have experienced infant loss, I love you dearly and I wish I had more than my prayers to help you heal.